Q. I recently found a friend of mine from college on Facebook. We have a mutual friend on Facebook and I see him post on our friend’s page a lot. I sent him a friend request but I never heard back from him. Then I sent him another friend request and I still haven’t heard back from him. What’s going on? I’m not sketchy or anything! Should I send him a third request? Should I ask our mutual friend to send him a message to make sure he received my friend request?
A. One of three things could be happening here.
1. Your old friend might not be a big Facebook user. Some people don’t go on Facebook frequently and some people abandon their accounts after setting them up. This doesn’t sound like the case with your friend though, as you mentioned that he posts frequently on your mutual friend’s Facebook page.
2. Perhaps he missed your friend request. People can learn that they received friend requests via email, push notifications on their smartphones and/or an icon on their Facebook page (though the first two methods have to be enabled by the user).
You could cancel your request and send another request to make sure he gets notified again. You could also send him a message on Facebook with a friendly greeting.
3. It could be that your old friend does not want to be Facebook friends with you. When you ask to be someone’s friend on Facebook:
- he can click on Confirm or
- he can click on Not Now or
- he can ignore the request.
If he clicks on Not Now, you will not be notified, but you will be able to send another friend request to him.
If he merely ignores the request and doesn’t click either button, the friendship will be pending. While the friendship is pending, you won’t be able to send another friend request to him (unless you cancel your pending friend request first).
I’m sorry to say this but possibility number three is the most likely for your old friend. The fact that you were able to send another friend request to him means that he must have responded to your friend request by clicking on the Not Now button.
If you want to pursue this friendship, I would suggest sending him a message directly instead of sending another friend request or sending a message through your mutual friend. You don’t want him to block you on Facebook and sending a third request might seem a bit pesky.
Maybe he’s holding a grudge against you for something long forgotten by you? Maybe he’s holding something against you that you don’t even know about, such as you dating a girl he had a crush on in college? Maybe some friendships are better left in the past?
Don’t worry, here is a video from Jimmy Kimmel to cheer you up. He points out why you shouldn’t care how many Facebook friends you have:
Have you ever had issues with someone not accepting your Facebook friend request? Have you ever turned down someone’s Facebook friend request? Let us know in the Comments section below.
* Image by Eustaquio Santimano
** Image by pshab